clement in clementi
Friday, July 19
Well, it's high time I got started on this. I didn't blog at all during my time there, so I'm having to struggle with choosing what content to include, to avoid this becoming a lengthy and haphazard post with a rather diluted focus... I still have no idea how to approach this, so I will just plunge into it headfirst and hope for the best!
The best way to sum up my experience in the ST course would probably be "better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all". Not that I fell in love and subsequently lost it while there... I'm not talking about loving and losing per se, but the broader sense of the quote. I mean, I've always fully agreed with its wisdom, but I never really experientially compared and understood it for myself.
Like I've mentioned before, my original intention was simply to quickly get through the 6-week course and leave without making too many friends and connections that I'd eventually have to leave behind anyway. Because, let's be honest, I tried my hardest to make friends throughout my 8-week BMT, but in the end I haven't kept in touch with any of them. How much more so for a 6-week course? But man is a social creature, and the more I interacted with the people around me, the more I felt a genuine love and care for them. And before I knew it, I had grown fond of these people without even trying.
On hindsight, I'm really glad it turned out that way. I can say without a shadow of doubt that I'd still much rather grow fond of these characters and go through the sweet sorrow of parting a thousand times over, than to keep people at arm's length and spare myself the emotional pain. Because the joy of friendship really makes it all so worth it. I don't know, it just makes me feel... alive!
It's also worth noting that while I made every conscious effort on my part to make friends in BMT (yeaaaaaa I was pretty desperate for some friends in my ACSI-less platoon back then...), I really never went out of my way to make friends during the course - many times even holing myself up in my bunk during admin time at night - letting the budding friendships just fall into place through God's hand. And now, I'm still keeping in contact with my ST friends far more than I did with my BMT friends! (Because anything at all is still infinitely more than nothing at all.) I think it really just goes to show the large difference in results when we pursue anything with our own human efforts versus resting and letting God take care of our needs and wants for us (:
The other life lesson I learnt, which will
definitely come in handy in life, was finding my identity in Christ, and not in what I do. It's no secret that my vocation is the dumping ground for rejects who cannot be put into any other vocations. As much as the CO and OC try to convince us otherwise, we all know there's no denying it. You name it, we have it - the socially awkward, the chaokengs, the PES B2s, the lower qualified in education, the Malays, and the non-Singaporeans: enter yours truly. (It actually felt pretty awesome to be surrounded by PRs, where everyone shared my much of my thoughts towards Singapore since young!)
My buddy could never come to terms with 'how the mighty had fallen', because he too was from OCS. "Don't you find it insulting that they're asking us OCS Cadets to be some
Security Trooper!?" There was always this sense of restlessness, and "What am I doing here?" whenever he stopped to take stock of his progress in life. But when you know your identity in Christ, these things hardly plague you. You just
know how precious you are in His sight, and you don't need a nice job to prove your worth - you don't even feel the need to prove your worth! I mean, not that you don't put in any effort of course, but that you put in effort because that's part of who you are, not to show others that you're one who does!
And I realise that's pretty important when you're in a vocation that has barely any street cred. I recently met a number of my parents' Hong Kong and Malaysian friends, and often the conversation would go something like:
"So what do you do in the army?"
"Oh, I'm a Security Trooper!"
"... What's that?"
"Basically it's something like a security guard for the army camps around Singapore."
"Oh... right..."
On one such occasion, the aunty even bluntly said, "You don't look like you're in army!" Because nobody looks like you're in the army when you stand next to my brother... heh. Hahaha, oh well :P
Finally, I really learned a lot from someone I'd never have expected - the cookhouse uncle. Every meal without fail, he'd greet every individual in the queue with a chirpy "Enjoy your meal, sir! Have a nice day!" Even when his smiley countenance would get flustered during the peak lunch period, he'd still say it.
There's just really something to be admired in that resilient attitude of joyful servitude, spreading warmth and joy to others regardless of the situation. Though some people in the course ridiculed him for it, it never ceased to bring a smile to my face, and became something I'd look forward to hearing during mealtimes - aside from their strangely appetising cookhouse meals!
At the end of it all, though, I'm pretty happy that I went through the course, despite all the nonsense and cock-ups from the command team. It was a really memorable experience!
It may seem absurd for anyone to say this, but graduating from the course is honestly one of my proudest moments in the Necessary Service. It's the first and only course, aside from BMT, that I successfully completed and graduated from. Its completion meant that I finally
belonged somewhere, instead of being a floater, getting thrown around and sucked dry of my skills and contributions before being dumped by the roadside.
I can't believe I'm saying this... but I'm really proud to be an ST (:
 |
| (Most of) Platoon 4, Section 5 & 6. ST Combat Course 16/13. |
AMEN;
12:17 am
